WHY TRY?? If I am always trying to live in the moment and be stress free, then how can I always "be on top of it" and never behind in my goals or tasks....??
Contradictory...? Maybe.
Post-mission I am a stress/nut case and all I manage to see is check lists of goals, task, things to do, things I want to do, and school work. I see calendars and a ticking clock and my blood pressure is constantly rising because all I can do is worry and stress about the future and if I am going to work out my schedules, get my school work done, and get my lessons for church all figured out. I can't focus in one class because I am thinking about the work or test I have in another class. I can't focus at work because all I can think about is the homework I have that night. My pulse is quickening daily and I am practically sweating all the time with nerves and worry. Healthy? Probably not...
Has it always been like this...? NEVER! This is miss yellow personality talking who is always looking for the next trip or good time and always living in the moment. All I could worry about and focus on was the fun around me and the people that were loving me. I was always smiling and laughing and if I did have anything productive or of worth to accomplish or do, I would do it LITERALLY the last minute I had before it was due. Did this work for me...? Yes! It all just came so easy and I felt like I just enjoyed and lived life to the fullest, still getting things done but when they absolutely had to be done.
How to I find a healthy balance...???!!
I feel like both extremes can be good and I can be driven, hard-working, task-oriented, as well as easy-going, fun, happy, and chill. What do I do??
This last weekend was my birthday and I went to California from friday to sunday. My whole family went and it was a blast but I missed class, had SOOOO much homework to do, and was mostly stressed the whole time. I wanted to have a fun vacation and enjoy my birthday with my family as well as attend a friends wedding, but at the same time I wonder if it would be easier to just stay put and not have to deal with the worry and traveling and procrastinating!!!! My mom made a good point and said, "well you probably would have done all your school work sunday night anyway, so what is the difference...?"
I don't even know! But the difference would definitely be a less stressed and more enjoyable Jami for a few days. I am really glad I went but last night and this morning sucked because I was running around and doing everything last minute with half the effort and focus. hmmmm...conflict?
This week, since it is the last week of school so I will definitely be running around doing a ton of things, I am going to find the happy medium. Hard-working yet calm and focused yet peaceful. No more stress! and definitely no more procrastinating!!!
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