About Me

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I am studying Psychology and Sociology at Utah Valley University, and working at a treatment center for troubled teens. I love life, being with people from all cultures, speaking Spanish, and traveling all over the world. I will never stop laughing, dancing, singing, enjoying, appreciating, and just being.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Sunday Scripture Study

Our mission as disciples of Christ:

1. strive together for faith in the gospel

Philippians 1:27-29

2. we must do/apply the teachings we learn, receive, see, and hear
Philippians 4:6-9

3. always see the bigger picture and be grateful

2 Corinthians 4:15-18

4. shine the light of christ to others through us

2 Corinthians 4:3-11

5. in ALL things we approve ourselves as ministers of God

2 Corinthians 6:4-10

6. always remembering our eternal reward for all our devotion and labors

Revelation 7:14-17

Friday, July 27, 2012

What fear...?

Well...what do you SEE??
So I just had a group therapy class and we talked about a lot of interesting things.  We talked a lot about fear and how, regardless of who you are or where you are, we all afraid of acceptance of judgement.  Why are we all so comfortable in our own "element", whether that is around our family, friends, in our own country, at a job, or in school.  We do not like to feel or look stupid and we do not like to say too much or be too open because we are afraid people will think negatively or poorly of us.  What is it about being open that is so hard, whether that is with our own selves or with other people?  Are we not all a certain way for a reason?  Are we all not different because we are suppose to learn and influence each other?  Are we meant to hold things in and always play it safe or are we suppose to open up...?  And when is it "socially acceptable" or "the right moment" to be honest with one another, share our feelings and emotions, our life stories, and our outlooks and opinions of life.  What is it that is holding us back?  

Personally, this made me think a lot because I am just naturally a very open person and I have no problem reading the story of my life out loud in a public setting...haha obviously because I am writing all my good, bad, embarrassing, offensive, deep, odd comments and opinions on a open and public website....what do I frickin care...?  But am I always like this...?  In work, school, church, parties, family events, airports, trips to other countries, etc....??  Where do I feel like it is appropriate to open up and share and why do I feel like it is considered "okay"....?  And where is the line drawn for other people and what determines that...?
I can honestly say I have felt really embarrassed or scared to be judged or uncomfortable actually being "me" in a lot of situations and I just wonder why do we go through that?  Why do we think that even though we may feel completely accepting, comfortable and nonjudgmental to others, we automatically think the worst and we FEAR that others think and feel that way about us.  We believe that anything that comes from our mind of heart could sound stupid or weird or wrong...who knows?  but really.... WHO CARES??? Are we not all here to learn and grow and mess up and be embarrassed and look stupid anyway.....??  Why do we just avoid and close up and hide in any way we can so we are not "completely exposed" because who knows what someone will say or do if we go about living our lives and stating our opinions and express who we are.....? weird to think about right?  Are we not allowed to take risks....?  Are we not suppose to and designed to invest in people and places and relationships...?  Lets just embrace risks and push out all fear and negative thinking!!!! Is it that hard?  I feel like if we try doing this, just a little, we will become more bold, confident, happy, strong people in general.  Let's be and become the human beings and children of God that we came here to be.  That is the purpose right??  And yes, we might have some awkward moments, confrontation, tears, disappointment, judgement, anger, impatience, hatred, etc....but in the end YOU are still YOU.  We cannot change people but we can change ourselves and how WE feel and how WE react. 

We can see the things of life in many different ways but in the end, it is how you are choosing to see them and not just seeing them how they actually are.
I am really the book "The Power of Patience" and there is a part that I really like and it states:
"Patience is created when we keep our eyes on the big picture and don't get so caught up in the minutia of our daily lives.  Its like having a wide-angle lens on a camera as we as a zoom.  Up close, even a molehill can seem overwhelming; from a distance, we can see that in fact it's not a mountain.  The good news is that you are holding the camera-and can switch lenses anytime you want."

We are the camera holders.  We can see things how we WANT to.  We choose our thoughts and feelings on things.  We are in control and responsible of our own fears and worries and we choose to have confidence, take risks, and being patient.  We can do it.  Lets try it now.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Calling all women.....

 These two talks with change your life!!! read themmmmmm :)


The Inconvenient Messiah

In this world we are all, you and I, the man or the woman in the water. We often must, like this man and Hamlet, “take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them.” (Hamlet, act 3, sc. 1, lines 63–64.) And sometimes the cost is very high. It was for Christ, it was for Joseph Smith, it was for this lone man who counted the cost there in the Potomac—and paid it. It is not easy to go without—without physical gratifications, or spiritual assurances, or material possessions—but sometimes we must since there is no guarantee of convenience written into our Christian covenant. We must work hard and do right, and sometime our chance will come. And when we’ve tried, really tried, and waited for what seemed never to be ours, then the angels may come and minister unto us. (See Matt. 4:11.) For that ministration in your life I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Remember Who You Are!

Young women, look into the mirror of eternity. Remember who you are! See yourself as our Heavenly Father sees you. You are elect. You are of noble birth. Don’t compromise your divine inheritance. You were born to be a queen. Live so you are worthy to enter the temple and there receive “all that [the] Father hath.”18 Develop deep beauty. There is no more beautiful sight than a young woman who glows with the light of the Spirit, who is confident and courageous because she is virtuous.
Remember, you are daughters of our Heavenly Father. He loves you so much that He sent His Son to show you the way to live, so that you could return to Him someday. I testify that as you draw close to the Savior, His infinite Atonement makes it possible for you to repent, to change, to be pure, and to receive His image in your countenance. His Atonement will enable you to be strong and courageous as you continue to raise your banner for virtue. You are golden. You are the banner!

and dont ever forget.....




First of all, I am missing Disneyland a lot lately.  Disneyland is one of my favorite places in the world,  and I still haven't been since I have been back from the mission.  It is pure magic and happiness.  It is impossible not to have a good time and impossible not to just smile when you go there.  I love the colors and the lights and the corny music...I love it all!  I can only imagine that heaven someday will be a lot like disneyland...pure happiness and joy, innocence, smiling, colors, music, magic, hope, castles, princes and princesses!  haha wow I am a joke right now.  I am such a dreamer and it is kind of gay, but totally acceptable for a girl right...?  I mean all we do as girls is dream and wish and hope for things like they are in the movies?  Like LOVE for instance....lets talk about it!

So GUYS grow up looking at hot chicks everywhere:  in magazines and movies and on the internet and in their minds, but even if a guy is a 5 or a 6, he still feels like he has to get a perfect 10, and mostly to just enjoy the girls hotness and to "get some"  right?  Oh, and heaven forbid if the girl ever wants any kind of contact or relationship with him...." #clingy, #crazy, #needy.... what the heck is commitment...? never heard of it....I am scared of it"....right?

GIRLS on the other hand....oh us crazy girls, we watch these love movies and check out facebook and instagram couple pics, or stalk wedding videos and listen to sappy love music and their gay lyrics, and we think that all of those things are real life and dream of having it one day....when really we set ourselves up to get our heart broken, or dumped or used, because we spend so much money and time and effort trying to make ourselves up to be that PERFECT TEN for the stupid guys so we can "find love" when really we are just setting ourselves up to get owned and hurt.  All the" bachelorettes" and "real worlds" and "teen vogue" or "us weekly" magazines are telling us to change really everything about ourselves so we can "get guys/find love," when really we are just doing all that stuff to make ourselves feel even worse about ourselves, and end up with those guys that can't even define the word commitment and end up hurting us.  Does this make sense?  Am I just venting nonsense and am I bitter at a guy...or guys in general? maybe.... but it doesn't matter.  In the end I think so much of this is true, and I am so annoyed, that everything that I feel and define as truth and real and fate and love don't even seem to exist anymore in my mind or even society.  Maybe it does and I am just caught up in the wrong things and in the wrong places with the same lame people....but this is how I feel.

It is like a roller coaster...LIFE.  The roller coaster at Disneyland for example....we get on it right??  We are all excited and ready and know what we are getting ourselves into.  We know how it ends and how it begins.  We payed for it and we are choosing to get on this ride!  But for some odd reason, every single time we get on that roller coaster we get a little scared.  We have that knot kind of feeling in our stomach, and climbing to the top of the roller coaster is thrilling but completely frightening at the same time.  We look down, knowing we are going to drop and it will be fun and scary, and every time we wonder why we are even on this ride.  We scream and yell and shout and cry the whole 5 minutes of this adventure.  It is the same every time you go on and still you keep going back.  You know those drops and you know those highs,  but of course, every time you finish you are okay and it was all worth it.

Is life at all like this...?  Is freaking LOVE like this...?  Yes.  Absolutely.  Do we know what we are getting ourselves in to.....yes.  Do we enjoy it, but hate it at the same time.....yes.  Do we scream and yell and cry and laugh....yes.  Is it enjoyable, the whole ride.....no.  Do we get tossed and turned and jerk and sometimes fall unexpectedly.....yes.  In the end, was the whole experience worth it and enjoyable?  YES.

Love hurts sometimes.  Life hurts sometimes.  Do we feel like we get either of them completely....? NO.  Does it matter....? No.  Will we get off the ride okay in the end....YES.  It will be okay.   We will be okay.  It is all worth it.  Enjoy it.

“Everything will be all right in the end.  If it's not all right, then it's not the end."
-The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you.  And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood.  And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.  And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new.  And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again.  And little pieces of your soul will finally come back.  And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."
-The Holiday

Moral of the story..... #iamawreckandwritingaboutitmakesmefeelbetter.... the end.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I am in LOVE with this movie because I love dancing and I love latins.... ohhhhhhh I just love LATIN DANCING!!  Is it such a crime that I think I am latin and just pretend that I am one....??  I went latin dancing last weekend and it was the best time of my life.  I go to Zumba on thursdays and it just makes my week because it is so fun and I love the music.  Latin dancing just makes you feel so confident and sexy.  It really makes you listen to the beat and enjoy and appreciate the rhythm and the movement of the body.  I encourage all to at least try out zumba or go out and experience a night of latin love and dancing!! It is just too dreamy.  I will probably just marry a latin so I can just become one.  Why not??

I am obsessed with this video on youtube!  I watch it everyday and I advice all to look it up and really ponder its message and apply it to your life :)

Advice by Elder Busche

Friday, July 13, 2012

I am antsy today for the weekend.  A lot has happened this week and I am feeling good.  I taught a lesson on Sunday and it was honestly such an amazing experience.  My lesson was on conversion and what it means to be truly converted to the Lord.  I taught about the amazing life of the apostle Peter, and his conversion to the Savior.  It was powerful and moving and really went well.  I shared a clip from the talk, "Feed my Sheep", by Elder Holland, and it ended off the lesson with something to remember and really feel.  The lesson in Sunday School was also really moving and made me think.  It was about faith and how it can become a strength to us.  We read a lot out of Alma 13-15 and the story of Alma and Amuelek and all the hardships and things they went through for defending the saints.  We focused a lot of the story of when they witnessed the mothers and their children being burned right in from of them and all of the wicked were telling them to prove Gods power and existence by saving the people.  I thought about how hard it must have been to not expect Gods miracles and power right away and how much of a process it really was.  Faith is not something we feel or get or exercise in a moment but in a lifetime.  They could have just proved these people wrong and used the power of God right when they needed it but they suffered and kept silent for 3 days.  Everything happened in the right timing and for a specific reason.  I thought about trials of our faith and how really when you think of it in the big picture, they are a huge blessing and an opportunity to show your commitment to God and yourself.  I used to always think that trials were kind of a punishment or unfair but when we talked about it in Sunday School, we realized how much they come to those with such divine spiritual potential and that have such power and purpose in this life.  Think of this specific story of Alma and Almuelek, Mormoni, Enos, all the apostles, Nephi, Joseph Smith, even the Son of God, our own personal Savior Jesus Christ, went through every kind of trial and tribulation.  As we discussed all of these people in history and everything they had to endure and overcome to deserve and achieve their eternal greatness and reward, this scripture came to mind:

(D&;C 122:7-8)

And if thou shouldst be cast into the apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee eexperience, and shall be for thy good.
 The aSon of Man hath bdescended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
(Hebrews 5:8-9)

 Though he were a Son, yet alearned he bobedience by the things which he csuffered;

 And being made aperfect, he became the bauthor of eternalcsalvation unto all them that obey him;
We are all here to reach perfection and just as Jesus Christ earned his eternal reward, so will we have to have faith strong enough to get us through every trial and hard thing that comes to us. It is an honor and a blessing to be given a challenge.  We should see it as a opportunity to become even more great and even better than we are at that specific time and moment in our lives.  If these experiences happen to us personally, can we remember that we are considered worthy and ready for this next challenge and hard time in our life so we can progress and move on to the next chapter that is ahead of us.  We are all here to learn and all here to grow.  Why is it so hard for us to remember that and why can't we be excited and ready for all these challenges that test us and make us the beautiful and strong and happy eternal souls that we are meant to just shine to others and to be.  We are the examples and we are the lights to all.  Things will happen to us almost everyday, if we are worthy and ready to take the challenge, so we just keep learning more and more.  Its just exciting to think about it, isn't it!!!  Let us accept everything hard and easy, or scary or wrong, or enjoyable, or not, and do it with a humble, loving, and vibrant heart!  Be ready and be open.  Be understanding and be accepting.  Be happy and be okay with yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  We never know what anyone or any place or anything will bring or take us, but we can choose how we look at each experience and how we choose to handle it.  Be bold and be confident.  Just be.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

I am back to blogging.  It is official!  I have missed this.  I miss writing every week and expressing how I am feeling and what is going on in my life.  I am in a good place today.  I woke up and felt that everything was at peace.  I was breathing and just being.  I would love to be one of those hipster granola people that buy cool colorful yoga mats and wear cute headbands and hit the yoga studio everyday but I am too ADD for that, so I just imagine I am there.  I just wear the yoga clothes to look cool and so people think I am in control of my stress and hard times.  I like the idea of yoga and what it teaches you.  I like how focused and centered you can become in my life.  I want to get there.  I want to JUST BE.  Why is it so hard to do that...??  I wake up everyday wondering what tomorrow will bring me.  Sometimes when I am talking to a person, and as they are telling me deep things about their life, I realize I am thinking about the next person I am going to talk to.  I travel to a different cool exotic place and as I am taking artsy instagram/facebook pictures, I am already planning in my head what my next destination is and how cool that will be.  I cry in the moments that I am not completely happy.  I feel bad for myself when I am home alone.  I wonder where I will be and who I will be with in a week, a month, or 2 years from now.  I dream and I imagine, which I do not think is necessarily a bad thing, but I do not always LIVE and BREATH and experience the moment and the N O W as much as I should.  I want to just enjoy, and love, and live, and appreciate the NOW and not just wonder about tomorrow or the next day.  Why is this so difficult...?  I am not even sure what the answer is, and I am trying to figure it all out.  I am reading a lot of interesting books right now that are really helping me with this idea.  There is one I really like called the "Power of Patience" written by M.J. Ryan.  Go buy it and read it!  It changed my life on a plane flying back from D.C. to Utah about a week ago.  I was crying out loud as I read it... haha how embarrassing.  I tend to do that a lot I guess but it was just a brilliant little book that came into my life at the perfect time (thanks to Mare Pond!) and I keep reading it to take me back to those enlightening and inspirational moments.  A part that I really loved is when it says that patience is a decision we make.  There are not really patient or impatient people but people that choose to be patient over and over again in their lives, and in certain times and situations that can be hard, difficult, and challenging.  I also love this quote from the book that says,

"Let us, then, be up and doing, with a heart for any fate; still achieving, still pursuing, learn to labor and to wait."

The other day just straight up sucked!  I woke up so early to do homework and was super stressed with tests and work and school and just everything.  I kept thinking about the mission and missing it a lot and it didn't help that I volunteered at the MTC the day before.  Being back there was really hard for me.  It made me miss it all, and really made me realize that it is all over.  I felt really alone and I felt like no one here really cared about me or loved me.  A lot has changed since I got back and it seems like everyone was gone.  I was sitting in my last class of the day.  I had been pretty quiet up until then and didn't feel like doing anything or talking to anyone.  My last class of course had to be group psychotherapy where I was going to have to sit in a huge circle and talk about feelings for like 2 hours.  I tried not to show my emotions but it's too hard to hide them.  There was something in the conversation with the group that triggered even more sadness and emotion, and I almost lost it.

I just sat there and stared at a broken clock for about 20 minutes.  I could not look away...... you see, ever since the first day of this class I have been avoiding looking at this broken clock because it drives me nuts, so I will not even look at it.  It would just go in circles with the pointer all shaky and it would stop on every fifteen minute mark for just like 3 seconds and then just keep going spastic again.  It gave me anxiety normally and just made me angry that no one had fixed it, but that day, for some reason, I just couldn't keep my eyes off that crazy frickin broken clock.  I focused my eyes on the pointer and watched it shake around the clock and stop every so often.  I felt annoyed, impatient, and antsy when it was shaking but I realized that every fifteen minute mark I would have a second or two to just watch it stop and seem normal and I would feel peace.  It was all good, and even if it was just for a few seconds, I decided I was fine with this clock.  I thought after about 20 minutes of staring into this messed up clock that no matter what, it was going to keep on going and doing that.  It would go in the circle every time and it would always be that same pattern.  It was never ending and I accepted it for what it was.  Maybe it did piss me off and the shakiness was annoying at times, but at times the stillness and peace did occur, and would always come as the pointer made its way around the circle of the clock.

I looked away and tuned into the conversation and realized the focus was now on me.  One girl had noticed that I had been crying since the class started and all she had to say was "Are you alright?"

I cracked.  I opened up to my whole class and told them everything.  As they listened, I felt love and acceptance and got advice and feedback.  It took one girl and one question.  It all came out and I felt better.  I didn't fix my situation but I felt love and that is all that mattered.  I left the class feeling lighter.  I no longer felt that shakiness and stress but I was feeling that peace.  The pointer was finally on one of those fifteen minute marks and still.  I was okay and I was going to be okay.  I left class and went to go volunteer and help this guy named Victor from Peru learn English.  Instead of going and being all quiet and sad and mad like I was before, I was so happy and really enjoyed tutoring this precious man.  It was a positive experience and I felt really useful and needed and I really enjoyed serving and loving this man.  He as well, was in a hard place, like I had been abut 15 minutes before, and because I had been filled with so much love and help, I was able to send that love to him and he was appreciating it and accepting it.  We had just met, but we learned to love and be loved.  This is how things work.  This is how we get through those annoying and spastic shaking times on the clock. The hard moments will come around, and will probably never stop, but we can indeed be still and can love and be loved.  We are not meant to be stressed or upset or unhappy but we are meant to really feel love and just live.  We can do it, and all it really takes is time and patience.  We choose to be patient and we choose to let love in or seek moments to share love.  Everything is our choice.

It feels good to be back.  It feels good to open up and share.  It feels good to feel LOVE.  I am excited to just be and to love.  Now go find your own love, its out there!

Yours truly,        
Jami Alison Pond