So I was sitting in institute dwelling on my problems like usual, contemplating if I should "go back" to something and just "settle" because I felt like I was so completely alone and unhappy and I questioned whether or not this is the best I could ever get or the happiest I could maybe be and I got hit in the face by this talk by Elder Holland. It was literally like the heavens opened while I was stuck in my manipulating and discouraging thoughts of myself and God woke me up and snapped me out of it. After hearing these profound and moving words, I wondered how I even reached this point and what it was that I could possibly do to get myself out of this black shameful hole of compromising and settling myself and my standards....Was it me that got me here or was it society...boys? media? my church? or could it be everything....? At this point I did not care and did not want to know and all I could do is try and tap into my godlike self and remember who I am, who I am working towards becoming, and what I need to continue to do to get there.
"the BEST is yet to be" by Elder Holland
Faith Points to the Future
Therefore, as they were aunfaithful they did not prosper nor progress in their journey, but were bdriven back, and incurred the displeasure of God upon them; and therefore they were smitten with famine and sore cafflictions, to stir them up indremembrance of their duty.
Are we ever allowed to just "hang out" or "chill" in our journey.....? I think we all want to sometimes when times get hard and it does seem easier to just take a break but we always are either moving backward or forward. Life brings us choices everyday and depending on if we make the right or wrong choice, we are able to move farther back or we can go forward. Life will also bring a lot of challenges in which we are faced with situations that make it really difficult and really hard to make the right choice but we can do it and once we finally do it, we are able to learn and grow. It is and will be forever to make the easy choice with each hardship we face and "look back" like Lot's wife, or go back to the lifestyle and the decisions that require little to no time, effort, patience, self-control, and work. It really is comfortable to tell yourself that you will never be happy than you were and you will never get better anyway so why not settle.....why don't we just settle?
There is good...and you can be okay with good. Things are fine and things work out.
Then, after a little time and learning and effort on your part, BETTER comes along and your eyes and mind and heart open up a little more and you realize that there is more to offer out there and you could be and can be happier. It is so new and fun and feels so great but you still feel like there is something missing...but its cool because you have "better" and you have never felt so alive....? Do we THEN settle and compromise....is it time?
Then....after a good amount of time....after some trials and suffering, after some sacrifice and personal growth and learning and understanding, after lots of positive and difficult experiences, after you have discovered more about yourself, the world, people, religion, life in general, after heart ache and heart break and disappointment and grief, after you feel like you have reached the deepest and lowest levels of humility and you feel like you have reached a turning point of acceptance and peace, clearly feeling strong, brave, courageous, full of faith and love and charity, as you walk hand in hand with your Savior and live to serve him and become more like him; through all of this beautiful yet impossible work and experience you have been through, you are blessed, handed, given, and you deserve your "BEST" and you can say to yourself, "it was all worth it."
Do we actually believe that this so called "best" will be worth the wait....? Can we believe in it? I am striving everyday to hold strong and develop a faith that I never knew that I DID NOT have in me and it is really hard. It is easy to give up and it is easy to say this does not exist but why do we not give ourselves any credit at all anymore and why do we want to think that we should just settle? We are brilliant and we are great and we have the potential to be God's and if we just tap into that spirit and let it remind ourselves that every single day, we will obtain our "best" and I know that it will be worth it. We can do this. We are worth the wait. Keep dreaming and keep believing.