About Me

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I am studying Psychology and Sociology at Utah Valley University, and working at a treatment center for troubled teens. I love life, being with people from all cultures, speaking Spanish, and traveling all over the world. I will never stop laughing, dancing, singing, enjoying, appreciating, and just being.

Thursday, September 27, 2012



So I was sitting in institute dwelling on my problems like usual, contemplating if I should "go back" to something and just "settle" because I felt like I was so completely alone and unhappy and I questioned whether or not this is the best I could ever get or the happiest I could maybe be and I got hit in the face by this talk by Elder Holland.  It was literally like the heavens opened while I was stuck in my manipulating and discouraging thoughts of myself and God woke me up and snapped me out of it.  After hearing these profound and moving words, I wondered how I even reached this point  and what it was that I could possibly do to get myself out of this black shameful hole of compromising and settling myself and my standards....Was it me that got me here or was it society...boys?  media? my church? or could it be everything....?  At this point I did not care and did not want to know and all I could do is try and tap into my godlike self and remember who I am, who I am working towards becoming, and what I need to continue to do to get there.

"the BEST is yet to be" by Elder Holland

My theme comes in the next verse. Surely, with the Lord’s counsel—“look not behind thee”—ringing clearly in her ears, Lot’s wife, the record says, “looked back,” and she was turned into a pillar of salt (see verse 26).
Just what did Lot’s wife do that was so wrong? As a student of history, I have thought about that and offer a partial answer. Apparently, what was wrong with Lot’s wife was that she wasn’t just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back. It would appear that even before she was past the city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926–2004) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once said, such people know they should have their primary residence in Zion, but they still hope to keep a summer cottage in Babylon. 1
It is possible that Lot’s wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind. We certainly know that Laman and Lemuel were resentful when Lehi and his family were commanded to leave Jerusalem. So it isn’t just that she looked back; she looked backlongingly. In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future. That, apparently, was at least part of her sin.

Faith Points to the Future

As a new year begins and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives.
So a more theological way to talk about Lot’s wife is to say that she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s ability to give her something better than she already had. Apparently, she thought that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as what she was leaving behind.
To yearn to go back to a world that cannot be lived in now, to be perennially dissatisfied with present circumstances and have only dismal views of the future, and to miss the here and now and tomorrow because we are so trapped in the there and then and yesterday are some of the sins of Lot’s wife.

Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is that charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don’t keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone, saying, “Hey! Do you remember this?” Splat!

Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, “Yeah, I remember it. Doyou remember this?” Splat.

And soon enough everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what our Father in Heaven pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing.

Some of you may wonder: Is there any future for me? What does a new year or a new semester, a new major or a new romance, a new job or a new home hold for me? Will I be safe? Will life be sound? Can I trust in the Lord and in the future? Or would it be better to look back, to go back, to stay in the past?

To all such of every generation, I call out, “Remember Lot’s wife.” Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the “high priest of good things to come” (Hebrews 9:11).
Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away. Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever. 

Coincidence....? I cannot even begin to paint a clear picture of how much God loves each of us and knows exactly who we are and what we need every single day.  He sends us places where we can feel the spirit so strong and he can speak to us so clearly but it is up to us if we want to be humble and tap into that.  A few days later, I was reading in the scriptures in mosiah and I came across yet another "heavens opening up and God speaking to me" moment.
Mosiah 1:17
17 Therefore, as they were aunfaithful they did not prosper nor progress in their journey, but were bdriven back, and incurred the displeasure of God upon them; and therefore they were smitten with famine and sore cafflictions, to stir them up indremembrance of their duty.

Are we ever allowed to just "hang out" or "chill" in our journey.....?  I think we all want to sometimes when times get hard and it does seem easier to just take a break but we always are either moving backward or forward.  Life brings us choices everyday and depending on if we make the right or wrong choice, we are able to move farther back or we can go forward.  Life will also bring a lot of challenges in which we are faced with situations that make it really difficult and really hard to make the right choice but we can do it and once we finally do it, we are able to learn and grow.  It is and will be forever to make the easy choice with each hardship we face and "look back" like Lot's wife, or go back to the lifestyle and the decisions that require little to no time, effort, patience,  self-control, and work.  It really is comfortable to tell yourself that you will never be happy than you were and you will never get better anyway so why not settle.....why don't we just settle?

There is good...and you can be okay with good. Things are fine and things work out. 

Then, after a little time and learning and effort on your part, BETTER comes along and your eyes and mind and heart open up a little more and you realize that there is more to offer out there and you could be and can be happier.  It is so new and fun and feels so great but you still feel like there is something missing...but its cool because you have "better" and you have never felt so alive....?  Do we THEN settle and compromise....is it time?

Then....after a good amount of time....after some trials and suffering, after some sacrifice and personal growth and learning and understanding, after lots of positive and difficult experiences, after you have discovered more about yourself, the world, people, religion, life in general, after heart ache and heart break and disappointment and grief, after you feel like you have reached the deepest and lowest levels of humility and you feel like you have reached a turning point of acceptance and peace, clearly feeling strong, brave, courageous, full of faith and love and charity, as you walk hand in hand with your Savior and live to serve him and become more like him; through all of this beautiful yet impossible work and experience you have been through, you are blessed, handed, given, and you deserve your "BEST" and you can say to yourself, "it was all worth it."

Do we actually believe that this so called "best" will be worth the wait....?  Can we believe in it?  I am striving everyday to hold strong and develop a faith that I never knew that I DID NOT have in me and it is really hard.  It is easy to give up and it is easy to say this does not exist but why do we not give ourselves any credit at all anymore and why do we want to think that we should just settle?  We are brilliant and we are great and we have the potential to be God's and if we just tap into that spirit and let it remind ourselves that every single day, we will obtain our "best" and I know that it will be worth it.  We can do this.  We are worth the wait.  Keep dreaming and keep believing.

D&C 67

10 And again, verily I say unto you that it is your privilege, and aapromise I give unto you that have been ordained unto this ministry, that inasmuch as you bstrip yourselves from cjealousiesand dfears, and ehumble yourselves before me, for ye are not sufficiently humble, the fveil shall be rent and you shall gsee me and know that I am—not with the carnal neither natural mind, but with the spiritual.
 11 For no aman has seen God at any time in the flesh, except quickened by the Spirit of God.
 12 Neither can any anatural man abide the presence of God, neither after the carnal mind.
 13 Ye are not able to abide the presence of God now, neither the ministering of angels; wherefore, acontinue in patience until ye are bperfected.
 14 Let not your minds aturn back; and when ye are bworthy, in mine own due time, ye shall see and know that which was conferred upon you by the hands of my servant Joseph Smith, Jun. Amen.
For his anger endureth but a moment
in his favour is life
weeping may endure for a night
but joy cometh in the morning

Monday, September 17, 2012


I have decided that my blogs are way too emo and I would like the world to know that I am really not sad...I AM OKAY!! haha promise.... it is just nice to open up and vent...be real and not pretend that life is easy and always good....it has its ups and downs!  So on a happy and positive note....

I am in a positive psychology class and I am really excited about the book we are reading called "the how of happiness."  It talks about how in our life there is 50% that is a set point, meaning genetics, background, make up of oneself.  Then there is the 10% that is your circumstances, meaning you wherever you live, your culture, environment, things like that.  The last one is the most important and that is the big 40% that is completely your CHOICE and the part of the pie or diagram that is fully yours and you can control!  I think that is so exciting!  It is easy to claim our family situation, our state or country, our skin color, our "poor circumstances of just the way we are and we can't help it", but there is proven research that it is possible to gain control and make change.  You own that 40% and you are the one that can use that to your advantage every day and make things happen for yourself and for your life.....cool huh??!!!

So one of the activities that is so simple and very fluffy in my opinion talks about the importance of GRATITUDE and 8 ways that we can be happier in our lives if we are being grateful.  Heard that one before....?? Me too!  Like every day in sunday school at church or even growing up from my parents, I have always been programmed to know that an "attitude of gratitude" makes you happy.  Can it and will it?  How do you do it then if it is so simple because what is the excuse for the unhappy and cold society or culture we live in? If we were all thankful enough then why are we all not smiling and loving each other?  I think we are all in denial and not being real about things!  I also think that we need more grateful leaders in our lives to set the tone and mood of the days and weeks and so we can follow the leader and start being more happy and grateful people.  We have so many reasons to be thankful every moment of every day right....??  Here are the 8 ways in the book that prove that gratitude can boost ones personal happiness in their life.

1) Grateful thinking promotes the savoring of positive life experiences- embracing and enjoying every life experience, big or small, and not thinking about what it lacks or in what way it could be better.  Take it how it is and see the beauty it holds!  Always see the good!!

2) Expressing gratitude bolsters self-worth and self-esteem- you will progressively learn to accept and love yourself for who you are and what you are meant to do!  

3) Gratitude helps people cope with stress and trauma- instead of thinking "what am I doing wrong?" change the question to, "what can I do better?" you will come to find that you can ALWAYS overcome anything and deal with any situation that comes your way. Get out of victim mindset!!!

4) Expressing gratitude encourages moral behavior- you will want to be better when you are thankful for everyone and everything! you are constantly seeing the good and appreciating the positive which will then lead you to a path of making morally correct choices and feeling more grateful and happy!

5) Gratitude can help build social bonds, strengthening existing relationships, and nurturing new ones- who does not want to feel appreciated and loved? how many people do you know that are so thankful for you and appreciate you every day...? how much do you want to serve them and love them more? those are good people and good friends....you can become that person!

6) Expressing gratitude tends to inhibit invidious comparisons with others- NEVER COMPARE, COMPETE, OR CONDEMN!  these feelings will only get you down on yourself, others, and the world.  be happy for others and their accomplishments and successes!!  

7) Gratitude is incompatible with negative emotions and may actually diminish or deter such feelings of anger, bitterness, and greed- who likes angry or bitter people?  do you really have any reason to feel that way about your life or yourself? are you being a little over dramatic and need to shift your thoughts and feelings from darkness to light....? try it and see how much lighter and better you feel! 

8) Gratitude helps us thwart hedonic adaptation, which is our capacity to adjust rapidly to any new circumstances or event- whatever comes your way in life, this will make you strong and ready to handle it!  have an attitude of "come what may" or "I can learn something from this...." It is all about how you see it and not how it really is.  

I truly believe that there is nothing out there in the world that is perfect happiness and so I think the question is not "what are we searching for?", or "where is it?"  but "how are we going to create our own happiness and experience it every single day?"

well a start to that question is BE GRATEFUL!!!!  This is one way you can start now to creating a happy and positive life that will attract good people and things to you every where you go, regardless of your circumstances.  How do we begin to have this attitude....??

1) express gratitude verbally- tell at least one person in your life that you love and care for,that you are thankful for them and all they do.  People need to feel appreciated and a way we can start doing that is speeding the love and thanks to everyone around us verbally.... say thank you as much as you can!

2) write it down- have a gratitude journal where you can write at least one good thing about your day or even your life on paper so you can be recognizing the good in all you do and say.
3) show it- do something for someone! help people out to prove to them that you are thankful for all the hard work and effort they are doing in their own lives, even if it is not involving you personally.  we all need help and what a better way to be thankful for each other then by getting up and giving each other a hand! It really does seem like a pain and seems like it will not be worth it, but I promise that your happiness will increase and by "paying it forward", the universe will bring you good things in return.
4) think it- is it not scientifically proven that our thoughts control everything about us???  everything begins in the mind!  If we are thinking good things, we will see and experience good things!  even if we wake up and say "I am going to have a good day..." and bad things happen, that doesn't mean we have to think it is a bad day..... maybe it is good and we are just not seeing what is good about it...??!!
5) teach it-be a leader! study the importance of all of this and try it out yourself and then bring this wisdom and goodness to the people around you!

So can we be happy?  Is happiness a real thing or are we all just emo and depressed people sitting around and hoping that the UPS man will someday drop a box labeled "happiness" at our door and life will just be good.....?

I think it exists and is a real thing but we are all so different and all have specific definitions of happiness and so all we need to do it look for them and try things out!  What are always thinking about unconsciously and what do you always find yourself doing or wanting to do?  Start to experiment a little and good things will come and happiness will light up your life!  Start by being grateful and I promise you that things will change.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

"for the JOY of the Lord is your s t r e n g t h"

(Nehemiah 8:10)

I found myself in church on sunday, hopeless and desperate, rustling through the scriptures for anything to feed my hungry and spirit seeking soul.  With the soothing sound of the speakers voices muffed in the background, my mind was racing with thoughts of worry and concern and the only word I could find myself constantly coming back to with all my flips of the pages in my messy and marked up scriptures what the word STRENGTH.  I guess I was feeling pretty weak and I felt that the answers I was really needing at such a hard time in my life was some physical and emotional strength from someone or something.  I found this slightly random scripture in the book of Nehemiah (who has ever really heard of this book/studied it?) and I read it over a few times in my mind wondering what it actually meant.  


I was low and weak and for a moment realizing that this meant the Lord was not happy with me at all because of my lack of emotional/physical energy....?  weird.

I then continued to "feast upon the words of Christ" and read as much as I could about strength and what it is and how to get it.  I read in Psalms' some more insight and my heart was lifted and inspired by its poetic and deep words...

Psalms 71:

 In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.
 Deliver me in thy righteousness, and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me, and save me.
 Be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort: thou hast given commandment to save me; for thou artmy arock and my fortress.
 Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, out of the hand of the unrighteous and acruel man.
 For thou art my hope, O Lord Godthou art my trust from my youth.
 By thee have I been holden up from the womb: thou art he that took me out of my mother’s bowels: my praise shall becontinually of thee.
 I am as a wonder unto many; but thou art my strong refuge.
 Let my mouth be filled with thy praise and with thy honour all the day.
 Cast me not off in the time of aold age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.
 10 For mine enemies speak against me; and they that lay wait for my soul take counsel together,
 11 Saying, God hath forsaken him: persecute and take him; forthere is none to deliver him.
 12 O God, be not far from me: O my God, make haste for my help.
 13 Let them be confounded and consumed that are adversaries to my soul; let them be covered with areproach and dishonour that seek my hurt.
 14 But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.
 15 My mouth shall shew forth thy righteousness and thy salvation all the day; for I know not the numbers thereof.
 16 I will go in the astrength of the Lord God: I will make mention of thy righteousness, even of thine only.
 17 O God, thou hast taught me from my youth: and hitherto have I declared thy wondrous works.
 18 Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, andthy power to every one that is to come.
 19 Thy arighteousness also, O God, is very bhigh, who hast done great things: O God, who is clike unto thee!
 20 Thou, which hast shewed me great and sore troubles, shaltaquicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth.
 21 Thou shalt increase my greatness, and acomfort me on every side.
 22 I will also praise thee with the psaltery, even thy truth, O my God: unto thee will I sing with the harp, O thou Holy One of Israel.
 23 My lips shall greatly rejoice when I sing unto thee; and my soul, which thou hast redeemed.
 24 My tongue also shall talk of thy righteousness all the day long: for they are confounded, for they are brought unto ashame, that seek my hurt.

I sat and pondered for a sec and just thought, "what a good attitude to have."  In such pain and sorrow, seeking deep and profound words of wisdom to tell me how to get strength, I found it quite simply in the humble words of a faithful man that the answer was that it is all about your attitude and your belief on where you stand with your relationship with God personally, regardless of your circumstances or situations at the present moment.  Easier said than done right....?  I remembered some of my most favorite and uplifting scriptures I had found throughout my mission as well as shared with other people who were struggling or needing some strength and courage.

Romans 8:31,38-39

  31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, whocan abe against us?

 38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
 39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able toaseparate us from the blove of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

And he said unto me, My agrace is sufficient for thee: for mybstrength is made perfect in cweakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ maydrest upon me.
 10 Therefore I take pleasure in ainfirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in bpersecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am cweak, then am I dstrong.
2 Nephi 4:17-30

 17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great agoodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O bwretched man that I am! Yea, my heart csorrowethbecause of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
 18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily abeset me.
 19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have atrusted.
 20 My God hath been my asupport; he hath led me through minebafflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
 21 He hath filled me with his alove, even unto the bconsuming of my flesh.
 22 He hath confounded mine aenemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.
 23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given meaknowledge by bvisions in the night-time.
 24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty aprayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.
 25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been acarriedaway upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.
 26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath avisited men in so much bmercycwhy should my dheart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
 27 And why should I ayield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to btemptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my cpeace and afflict my soul? Why am Idangry because of mine enemy?
 28 Awake, my soul! No longer adroop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the benemy of my soul.
 29 Do not aanger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.
 30 Rejoice, O my aheart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the brock of my salvation.

Is it really that easy to shift our view and thoughts on things from negative to positive and be able to regain such strength and courage from a Lord that loves us and that is filled with joy when we are strong....??  I think it is!  It is our attitude and our thoughts that fill us with God's power, courage, and strength daily.  We are the ones that decide and choose if we are strong and then once that decision and attitude is put out there, then we are given that heavenly help and boost of physical and emotional stability and strength.  I believe that once we out loud recognize these things and we create how we feel and who we are, then we are empowered and then we can do great things and have uplifting and positive experiences.  What good examples of these positive attitudes do we have in the scriptures!  I really don't think that we are afraid that we are not strong and we are not great but the exact opposite.  I think we are afraid of discovering the power we actually have and what we can do and become in our lives with that divine gift.  Why do we fear our own greatness?  Why do we hesitate to tap into our Godlike selves and continuously look up and progress with every day that comes to us?

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

(it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us)

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

Embrace the light and do not run from it.  Grab a hold of your strength inside of you are use it to your benefit.  Achieve greatness in all you do and when it does seem like all has failed, remember that you are the one letting yourself and your strength fail and just change your attitude and thoughts and you will be given that strength and power back to continue to press forward with faith and go about doing good.