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I am studying Psychology and Sociology at Utah Valley University, and working at a treatment center for troubled teens. I love life, being with people from all cultures, speaking Spanish, and traveling all over the world. I will never stop laughing, dancing, singing, enjoying, appreciating, and just being.

Thursday, September 27, 2012



So I was sitting in institute dwelling on my problems like usual, contemplating if I should "go back" to something and just "settle" because I felt like I was so completely alone and unhappy and I questioned whether or not this is the best I could ever get or the happiest I could maybe be and I got hit in the face by this talk by Elder Holland.  It was literally like the heavens opened while I was stuck in my manipulating and discouraging thoughts of myself and God woke me up and snapped me out of it.  After hearing these profound and moving words, I wondered how I even reached this point  and what it was that I could possibly do to get myself out of this black shameful hole of compromising and settling myself and my standards....Was it me that got me here or was it society...boys?  media? my church? or could it be everything....?  At this point I did not care and did not want to know and all I could do is try and tap into my godlike self and remember who I am, who I am working towards becoming, and what I need to continue to do to get there.

"the BEST is yet to be" by Elder Holland

My theme comes in the next verse. Surely, with the Lord’s counsel—“look not behind thee”—ringing clearly in her ears, Lot’s wife, the record says, “looked back,” and she was turned into a pillar of salt (see verse 26).
Just what did Lot’s wife do that was so wrong? As a student of history, I have thought about that and offer a partial answer. Apparently, what was wrong with Lot’s wife was that she wasn’t just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back. It would appear that even before she was past the city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926–2004) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once said, such people know they should have their primary residence in Zion, but they still hope to keep a summer cottage in Babylon. 1
It is possible that Lot’s wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind. We certainly know that Laman and Lemuel were resentful when Lehi and his family were commanded to leave Jerusalem. So it isn’t just that she looked back; she looked backlongingly. In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future. That, apparently, was at least part of her sin.

Faith Points to the Future

As a new year begins and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives.
So a more theological way to talk about Lot’s wife is to say that she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s ability to give her something better than she already had. Apparently, she thought that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as what she was leaving behind.
To yearn to go back to a world that cannot be lived in now, to be perennially dissatisfied with present circumstances and have only dismal views of the future, and to miss the here and now and tomorrow because we are so trapped in the there and then and yesterday are some of the sins of Lot’s wife.

Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is that charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don’t keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone, saying, “Hey! Do you remember this?” Splat!

Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, “Yeah, I remember it. Doyou remember this?” Splat.

And soon enough everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what our Father in Heaven pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing.

Some of you may wonder: Is there any future for me? What does a new year or a new semester, a new major or a new romance, a new job or a new home hold for me? Will I be safe? Will life be sound? Can I trust in the Lord and in the future? Or would it be better to look back, to go back, to stay in the past?

To all such of every generation, I call out, “Remember Lot’s wife.” Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the “high priest of good things to come” (Hebrews 9:11).
Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away. Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever. 

Coincidence....? I cannot even begin to paint a clear picture of how much God loves each of us and knows exactly who we are and what we need every single day.  He sends us places where we can feel the spirit so strong and he can speak to us so clearly but it is up to us if we want to be humble and tap into that.  A few days later, I was reading in the scriptures in mosiah and I came across yet another "heavens opening up and God speaking to me" moment.
Mosiah 1:17
17 Therefore, as they were aunfaithful they did not prosper nor progress in their journey, but were bdriven back, and incurred the displeasure of God upon them; and therefore they were smitten with famine and sore cafflictions, to stir them up indremembrance of their duty.

Are we ever allowed to just "hang out" or "chill" in our journey.....?  I think we all want to sometimes when times get hard and it does seem easier to just take a break but we always are either moving backward or forward.  Life brings us choices everyday and depending on if we make the right or wrong choice, we are able to move farther back or we can go forward.  Life will also bring a lot of challenges in which we are faced with situations that make it really difficult and really hard to make the right choice but we can do it and once we finally do it, we are able to learn and grow.  It is and will be forever to make the easy choice with each hardship we face and "look back" like Lot's wife, or go back to the lifestyle and the decisions that require little to no time, effort, patience,  self-control, and work.  It really is comfortable to tell yourself that you will never be happy than you were and you will never get better anyway so why not settle.....why don't we just settle?

There is good...and you can be okay with good. Things are fine and things work out. 

Then, after a little time and learning and effort on your part, BETTER comes along and your eyes and mind and heart open up a little more and you realize that there is more to offer out there and you could be and can be happier.  It is so new and fun and feels so great but you still feel like there is something missing...but its cool because you have "better" and you have never felt so alive....?  Do we THEN settle and compromise....is it time?

Then....after a good amount of time....after some trials and suffering, after some sacrifice and personal growth and learning and understanding, after lots of positive and difficult experiences, after you have discovered more about yourself, the world, people, religion, life in general, after heart ache and heart break and disappointment and grief, after you feel like you have reached the deepest and lowest levels of humility and you feel like you have reached a turning point of acceptance and peace, clearly feeling strong, brave, courageous, full of faith and love and charity, as you walk hand in hand with your Savior and live to serve him and become more like him; through all of this beautiful yet impossible work and experience you have been through, you are blessed, handed, given, and you deserve your "BEST" and you can say to yourself, "it was all worth it."

Do we actually believe that this so called "best" will be worth the wait....?  Can we believe in it?  I am striving everyday to hold strong and develop a faith that I never knew that I DID NOT have in me and it is really hard.  It is easy to give up and it is easy to say this does not exist but why do we not give ourselves any credit at all anymore and why do we want to think that we should just settle?  We are brilliant and we are great and we have the potential to be God's and if we just tap into that spirit and let it remind ourselves that every single day, we will obtain our "best" and I know that it will be worth it.  We can do this.  We are worth the wait.  Keep dreaming and keep believing.

D&C 67

10 And again, verily I say unto you that it is your privilege, and aapromise I give unto you that have been ordained unto this ministry, that inasmuch as you bstrip yourselves from cjealousiesand dfears, and ehumble yourselves before me, for ye are not sufficiently humble, the fveil shall be rent and you shall gsee me and know that I am—not with the carnal neither natural mind, but with the spiritual.
 11 For no aman has seen God at any time in the flesh, except quickened by the Spirit of God.
 12 Neither can any anatural man abide the presence of God, neither after the carnal mind.
 13 Ye are not able to abide the presence of God now, neither the ministering of angels; wherefore, acontinue in patience until ye are bperfected.
 14 Let not your minds aturn back; and when ye are bworthy, in mine own due time, ye shall see and know that which was conferred upon you by the hands of my servant Joseph Smith, Jun. Amen.
For his anger endureth but a moment
in his favour is life
weeping may endure for a night
but joy cometh in the morning

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