Gretchen Weiners had cracked....
You know that moment when you wake up feeling really sick and you do everything in your power to convince yourself that you are "fine" because you do NOT want to take medicine, lay around, feel crappy, feel bad for yourself, and more importantly experience that achy, nauseating, weak moment of throwing up....
It is inevitable that you are going to throw up right? So why do we stall and anticipate and put off and instead just embrace the sickness...let it at us! Why can't we just throw up numerous times because we know it will make us feel better?!! We don't let ourselves crack....
Sometimes it is okay to NOT be okay. We are humans and sometimes we have a lot on our plate and in our minds and we can try to run and run and never get off the treadmill or we can take a moment to be still and figure our crap out. We need personal time and we need to learn how to take care of ourselves while we are creating and living our lives and helping and loving other people.
Some of my favorite movies have these intense "breaking down" moments when these main characters act like they are happy, progressing, achieving, healthy, and they are truly not because they get to a point we could call "rock bottom" and we crack and find out that we are not actually happy. In the moving yet slightly depressing popular chick flick, "P.S. I Love You", Holly, the main girl who's husband has passed away, is dealing with still holding onto her husbands death and is not able to move on with her life and take care of herself and find happiness in other people and things. There is a moment in the movie where she finally goes to her mom, who she does not really get along with, and just falls into her arms and starts to weep. She cries for a few minutes and tells her mom that she cannot breathe she is so scared and worried and upset and unhappy. Her mom calms her down, takes her on a walk, and they both open up about the past, present, and what they can do in the future as a family to overcome this. Holly wanted to believe that she was "okay" and dealing with her husbands death when really she was just avoiding the emotions about it and "running" through her life, thinking it would get better. She later realizes that life does not fix you but only YOU can admit to yourself when you are not happy and YOU will be the one to make changes.
Another movie that I love is "Eat Pray Love", that beautifully demonstrates this kind of discovering the emptiness and lack of wholeness in ones life and a need to make a change. In the movie, Julia Roberts plays a stunning, successful, married, and strong character that finds herself "wanting more" and crying when she is alone, which leads her one night in her bathroom helpless on the floor praying to God for help. We all have those moments of despair and a feeling of worthlessness when we come to understand that we are not completely happy in the life that we are living and we need to find out what it is we can do to find that complete joy. We hear those people say, "don't give up!", "believe and achieve!", "try this and that...", which is all great and motivational but if WE personally are stuck and not "okay", then we are not able to progress and move forward. Something is wrong and we are the ones to decide whether or not we not just replace these issues with different places, people, and things, but we actually FIX IT!!!
In the movie, this woman takes a year off to herself and travels all over the world to find herself and discover her own goals, passions, talents, gifts, weaknesses, and desires in life. She addresses her own core issues and is able to completely HEAL her mind, soul, and body with experiences, meditating, good people, culture, prayers, love, and joy. Now I am not saying we all need to drop our lives, buy a plane ticket somewhere exotic, and leave but I think we do need to just STOP. Be still and take time to ponder, meditate, explore, feel pain and joy, and figure out what we want, who we are, and then make it happen. It could happen in a day for you or take a year like it did for this girl in the movie, but whatever timing I hope that you can first:
-understand it is okay to not be okay
-admit to yourself that you are not happy
-take a break and give yourself time
-ponder and meditate who you are, your goals, strengths and weaknesses
-feel both pain and joy, sorrow and happiness, darkness and light
-fix your issues and make changes instead of "covering" or replacing them so you do not have to deal with them
-talk to people about it and seek support
-be alone and be peaceful
-set plans and routines to do things that will satisfy you and fill you up with joy
-share your love and light with others
Life is a journey and I do think it can be enjoyable. Sometimes we get too caught up in going, running, achieving, being great, and serving others and I do not think we take the time to self reflect and analyze where we are actually going or who we are becoming. Take a break. Step back. Look at yourself and ask yourself if you are happy and taking good care of your heart, mind, and soul. If not...
BE STILL. BREATHE. HEAL.